I realized this past week that my home is no longer Nashville. It has taken me two months to learn that fact, but I think it has finally clicked.
I got really brave, or crazy, and took my children on a 14-hour road trip to Nashville last week-without Tim. What was I thinking? Well, Tim was traveling to Seattle for business and I just didn't want to stay in Canada without him. Plus, my church in Nashville was having VBS and it's the best VBS I've ever been a part of. I also have really missed my brother, his family, and my friends, and I just wanted to see them.
We had a great time, but my heart longed to go home. And, I just couldn't. I couldn't go to my old house on Meandering Way, and yet, I don't feel like my house in Canada is home. You know the feeling you had when you went away to college and came home for the weekend. You realized you didn't quite have a home anymore. You were floating around in the middle not quite sure where you belonged.
We drove by our old house to visit some neighbors, and I felt so sad. I wanted to be home. We went to church and saw precious friends. It was bittersweet to be reminded of such great friendships. I couldn't wait to get home.
My home is not in Nashville, and my home is not in Toronto. My heart will not be at rest and fully at peace until I am Home and in the arms of my heavenly Father. God has been good to remind me that our bodies are only temporary dwelling places for us, and someday we will rest, fully and peacfully rest in a beautiful, perfect home beyond what we can imagine now.
So, tonight as I wrestled with this internal struggle and longed for my Home, I felt God telling me to be thankful. Be thankful for the good things He has given me now. His good gifts make this temporary passage a little more enjoyable.
Right now, I am thankful for ...
- the big, brown eyes and toothy grin that greet me every morning
- the older brother grabbing his little brother's hand on the way home from the park
- the sunshine and gentle breeze
- a good book to keep me company tonight
- a hard-working husband that is devoted to his family
- the forgiveness offered to this tired mama after yelling at her boys for fighting over who had more bubbles in the bathtub
Meanwhile, we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling...Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Cor. 5:2-5
- Thankful for what is to come.