He is not mine. The idea of it is really hard to accept. I do everything I can to protect him, shelter him, love him, and keep him from harm. I try to feed him healthy foods, I limit what he can watch on TV, I decide what friends to invite over, where he goes, what clothes he wears, what time he goes to bed, what books we check out from the library. I feel that I have so much control over his little life...but I don't really. And the older he gets, the more I am learning this. I'm not in control. As I listen to one of my best friends talk about the struggle she feels as she will watch her first born get on the bus and go to school for the first time, I'm reminded...I'm not in control. As I listen to more mature women tell of the heartache of watching their children struggle with poor choices involving drugs, sex, or peer pressure, I'm reminded...I'm not in control. My little boy has his own mind, will make his own choices, and will face struggles and trials from which I cannot protect him. He will go off to school and away from the safe bubble I try to place around him. He will face decisions and obstacles, and I won't be there to tell him what to do.
I'm not in control. There's One so much greater, so much stronger, so much wiser, who loves him so much more than I do. My son is in His hands, and I am so thankful. I must release my desire to control, my grip that can squeeze the life out of my son, my efforts to protect that can rob me of peace and joy.
God, remind me that he is Yours. Thank you that he is Yours. He's in a much safer place when he rests in Your arms than in my feeble grip.
I love him so much, but You love him even more.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10
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3 comments:
What a beautiful post, Jo. This is such a struggle for mommies, I think. You are a great mom to your boys and love them so much...isn't it amazing to think that He loves them more than you do...hard to imagine! Thanks for sharing! Love you!
How beautifully you have described the gift of children that God has entrusted to us as parents! How grateful I am that my grandsons have you and Tim to guide them in a way that is pleasing to Him! I love you, Jo--and Tim!!!
Hi Jo,
My name is Jen and I am a friend of Amy's. Every now and then I glance at your blog (because Amy talks about you and because our kids are the same age).
This post was so encouraging! It totally spoke to my heart today and I just wanted to thank you for it!
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