I bought her a shirt today. I've tried to resist buying clothes for our daughter at this point because we don't know what age she will be when she comes home. Today, I couldn't resist. It was pink, it was cute, it had a bird on it, and it was a whopping $2.50. After I got home, I started to hang it in what will be her closet, and then I decided to hang it on the outside of the closet door...for all to see. Well, at least I can look at it often. It seems I, being a visual learner, need something to look at to remind me. I want to be reminded of the hope I felt today.
As it has this past month, my hope will wane at times. Yet, at other times, it will appear like the welcomed sunshine Wesley and I enjoyed today at the park. It will gently land on my heart as the beautiful cardinal outside of my window with it's breast all fluffed up to brace the winter's chill.
I have felt so encouraged after posting my last entry by my precious friends who have written me saying words like, "You are not alone", "I have felt the exact same way", and "I am praying for you". God knew what I needed to hear, and He has blessed me so much with friends who let me see their insecurities, their mess, and their fears.
Sometimes I think we can fall into the trap of thinking we have to have it all together. Everyone else does. We believe the lie that all the other moms know what they are doing and don't ever struggle with the feelings of doubt like we do. This week, I've been reminded that we are all in this crazy, broken world stumbling over each day just trying to do the best we can. Freedom exists when we let others see our flaws and our insecurities, and hope comes when we open ourselves up to others and are vulnerable enough to share our struggles.
I'm going to go look at the adorable shirt hanging on the closet door. I'm going to let myself feel excited knowing that there will be difficult days to come, life with three kids will not be easy, but I can do it because of God's wonderful and sufficient grace...and with a little help from my friends.